Monday, April 30, 2007.

No tuition tomorrow.
And I'm so damn bloody happy =D
HEEEEEEEEE.
Sorry for changing or URL recently.

ourloveanthem was like. super lovelydovey type=/
screamandlaugh was super spastic.

I think my current is most practical.
Ahaha. Cause it has my nameeeeee :DDD
LOL, no, that wasn't the main point.
Ah, whatever.

HEEEEEEE.
I know I sound like a horse.
LOL.

10:16 PM
NICOLE♥

.

Ok, cause I'm like starving like crazy, I'm here blogging while eating.

Today was so damn friggin' screwed lahhhhhh.
-A ball smack my face.
-I wet my whole pants during PE
-Yingtong blaming me cuz' Peiqin joked about Melissa telling everyone about the 'thing'
-I brought both textbook.
-MrsLee scold joey for writing 'Melissa nearly died one evening' then Joey blame me.
-I hate Jiaxin

The whole thing is like that. MrsLee was like walking around the classroom, then she saw a piece of paper on the floor, she wna see what's inside then use her leg to open(wth.) Then is my draft composition(without my name), then Joey like cancelled the name and replace the name Melissa. After that she don't know add what words, then when MrsLee blame her then she point at me-_-

AND THAT BLOODY FRIGGIN' JIAXIN SAY IS MINE?!?!
LIKE WHAT THE TOOOOOOOOT.
HE CAN SEE MERH. QIAN LI YAN ARH.
FREAK.COW.DUCK.CHICKEN.NEHNEH.
& HE ALWAYS THINK HIS SO SMART.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

1:59 PM
NICOLE♥

Sunday, April 29, 2007.

F for Freak(and more)
I hate my friggin' dad.
He's always like scolding me for not like 'SPENDING' time with him.
like what the hell?

So much for I care.
And when he was scolding me just now for playing maple.
He knew I wasn't so scared like I used to be.
For I don't see why I should.
I like my mother.
I dislike my _________.
I know I shouldn't be so ________.
But whatever.
I don't care.

I love hearing mental when I'm about to go crazy.
Ahahah.
http://kiara0516.imeem.com/playlist/1aSJb4bN/

8:23 PM
NICOLE♥

.

1:05 AM
NICOLE♥

Saturday, April 28, 2007.

10:13 PM
NICOLE♥

.

I know I have a severe brain damage.
And I have terrible mood swings.
But seriously. Now I think that I should only concentrate on my studies.
My maple account got hacked. Why should I give a damn.
Aahahaha.
Heeeeee.

3:00 PM
NICOLE♥

Friday, April 27, 2007.

Submitted old skin.
http://www.blogskins.com/info/138422
Comment/download/fave/rate =D

_________________________
God, Joey has the same colour of font(well, almost) & same font as me.
Like what the hell.
Just cause that day I told her that I liked this font.
Then she used it, and refuse to change.
And you don't know how irritating it is to talk to a person who has the same font colour or font as you-.-

5:44 PM
NICOLE♥

.

What the hell?
I came home with my feet looking like this.

5:25 PM
NICOLE♥

Thursday, April 26, 2007.

HELLO WORLD (:

Ahahaha, today was funny.
I found out alot secrets like,
Ryan is a freak.
MrsLiao is spastic.
Scott is weird.
Ernest is crazy.
Joey is narcisstic.
I am voracious and eccentric.
Nicole is unpredictable.
MrsLee is evil.
Melissa is loquacious.
Jeremy is paraniod.
Yongmin is sweet.
Yingtong is cute.
Peiqin is lame.
Siying is crazy.
Qianyu is random.

LOL, yes, I'm preparing for MYEs (:
And to spoil my day, I screwed my maths, & I've lost to Mel.
How pathetic is that right.
I'm going to like strive all the way, ok!
ROAR.
And yes, I've studied & done my homework.
And I'm going to do the damn MdmLee's one also (Even though If you don't do she won't do anything, BUT I'M GOING TO DO)
Ahaha, Mom's gonna go siao when she finds out my results >:[

Oh, hello chinese exercise book.

THIS IS FOR BLIND PEOPLE, LOL.
MY GUEST BOOK IS BELOW EVERY POSTTTTT.

6:08 PM
NICOLE♥

Wednesday, April 25, 2007.

HI THERE, SIGN MY GUESTBOOK OR I'LL TEAR YOUR BRAINS. LOL.

Ahahaha.
I'm here, with my blog skin changed =D
Cause I felt like, and there's nothing you can do.
ROFL, Yes, I, Nicole tay, is going to mug later.
I must, If not momma will tear off my hair >:[
Science Mock Test tomorrow. (!!)
How late is that ?!
When damn exam already gonna start after the next week.
Damn, I don't really think I'm prepared.
I don't wanna die so early.
Weekend I'm gonna mug like crazy. Including tomorrow!
I'll try, I promise.

2:32 PM
NICOLE♥

Tuesday, April 24, 2007.

[08:51:42 PM] She was the : MEL
[08:51:44 PM] She was the : BURST OUT
[08:51:45 PM] She was the : LAFFING
[08:51:45 PM] She was the : ROFL
[08:51:46 PM] So I stand h: LOL
[08:51:52 PM] She was the : SHE LIKE SPIT YOU KNOW
[08:51:52 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:51:54 PM] So I stand h: EH DEN U REALLY ASK HIM WHO HE LIKE AH
[08:52:01 PM] So I stand h: DIVINE
[08:52:04 PM] So I stand h: - -
[08:52:06 PM] She was the : ask for what, he obviously like you
[08:52:06 PM] She was the : -_-
[08:52:10 PM] So I stand h: ._.;
[08:52:11 PM] So I stand h: ask mel
[08:52:14 PM] So I stand h: she say u ask him
[08:52:16 PM] So I stand h: -.-
[08:52:16 PM] She was the : i ask mel who she like?
[08:52:18 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:52:20 PM] She was the : SHE DEAF LA
[08:52:21 PM] She was the : ROFL
[08:52:26 PM] So I stand h: she say u ask him who he like
[08:52:27 PM] So I stand h: LOL
[08:52:28 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:52:30 PM] She was the : SHE DEAF LA
[08:52:32 PM] She was the : EAR PROBLEM
[08:52:41 PM] She was the : TOO MUCH WAX
[08:52:41 PM] She was the : ROFL
[08:52:42 PM] So I stand h: JUJUUUUUU
[08:52:42 PM] She was the : AHAHAH
[08:52:46 PM] So I stand h: EH I EATING LA
[08:52:47 PM] She was the : MEL EAR GOT TOO MUCH WAX
[08:52:48 PM] She was the : AHAHAHA
[08:52:49 PM] So I stand h: WHA LAO
[08:52:49 PM] So I stand h: -WHACK NIC-
[08:52:50 PM] She was the : SLIMYSLIMY
[08:52:50 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:52:53 PM] So I stand h: GO EAT @$#%$^ LA
[08:52:55 PM] She was the : GREENY SLIMY
[08:52:58 PM] She was the : YUM~
[08:52:58 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:53:01 PM] She was the : DELICIOUSE~
[08:53:01 PM] So I stand h: WAAAAAAAAH
[08:53:02 PM] So I stand h: -WHACK WHACK WHACK-
[08:53:02 PM] So I stand h: -.-
[08:53:02 PM] So I stand h: EWWWWW
[08:53:02 PM] She was the : ROFL
[08:53:03 PM] She was the : AHHAHAHA
[08:53:04 PM] So I stand h: I EATING APPLEE TT
[08:53:07 PM] So I stand h: JUJU
[08:53:08 PM] So I stand h: WAAAAA
[08:53:09 PM] She was the : GREEN SLIMY JUICE SPITTING OUT
[08:53:10 PM] So I stand h: SHE BULLY ME
[08:53:11 PM] She was the : AHHHHHH~
[08:53:11 PM] So I stand h: LOL
[08:53:14 PM] She was the : ROFL
[08:53:16 PM] She was the : AHAHAHAHA
[08:53:18 PM] So I stand h: AHAHAHAAHAHA
[08:53:18 PM] So I stand h: LOLL
[08:53:18 PM] She was the : ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
[08:53:20 PM] So I stand h: JUJU~ SHE BULLY ME~~~~
[08:53:25 PM] So I stand h: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[08:53:25 PM] So I stand h: LOLL
[08:53:28 PM] She was the : THEN GOT PERFUME SMELL~
[08:53:30 PM] She was the : WAHHHHHHHH~
[08:53:31 PM] She was the : THEN LATER
[08:53:32 PM] So I stand h: ._.
[08:53:33 PM] She was the : SUDDENLY EVERYONE DIE
[08:53:34 PM] She was the : LOL
[08:53:37 PM] So I stand h: -hides convo-
[08:53:39 PM] She was the : LOL

Rofl, She was the.. = me
So I stand h.. = Nic

________________________________
Next conver ( after a few seconds after the first one)

[09:14:55 PM] She was the : HAVE YOU SEEN MY HAIR?
[09:15:00 PM] She was the : I LOST ONE STRAND OF IT
[09:15:14 PM] So I stand h: LOL
[09:15:14 PM] So I stand h: NO
[09:15:19 PM] So I stand h: I LOST LIKE 10 LE
[09:15:20 PM] She was the : ROFL
[09:15:32 PM] So I stand h: WHILE MY SS I KEEP ON COMBING MY HAIR CAUSE V BORED
[09:15:35 PM] So I stand h: THEN I LOST 109 STRANDS
[09:15:43 PM] She was the : TMR I INVITE DETETIVE HELP YOU FIND
[09:15:44 PM] She was the : AHAHAHAHA
[09:16:25 PM] She was the : NIC YOU HAIR LOOKS LIKE WHAT
[09:16:29 PM] She was the : WHAT COLOUR
[09:16:37 PM] So I stand h: MY HAIR BLONDE COLOUR
[09:16:39 PM] So I stand h: AHHAHAAHHAA
[09:16:42 PM] She was the : MUST GIVE ABIT DETAILS FOR THE DETECTIVE MAH
[09:16:53 PM] So I stand h: MINE IS PNINK COLOUR
[09:16:54 PM] So I stand h: AHAHHAHAAHA
[09:16:56 PM] So I stand h: LOL
[09:16:56 PM] She was the : IF NOT HOW TO FIND AND STICK IT BACK?
[09:17:03 PM] She was the : USE UHU GLUES
[09:17:14 PM] She was the : CAN STICK VERY WELL
________________________________
And poetic skills.

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLLE STAR~ I HOPE CHUAN SHEN FALL DOWN FROM A STAR~

WE CREATE NEW GROUP COR CALM GIRLS DEN SING THE TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR , I HOPE CS FALL ( cause cs asked us to calm down)

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR LETS SHOOT CS AND HE FALL DOWN~

TWINKLE TWINLE LITTLE STAR LETS SHOOT CS TILL HE DIE ON A STAR~
THEN THE STAR FALLS DOWN~ AND HITS THE EARTH~ AND PPL GO YELL HELP HELP HELP~

IF YOU HAPPY AND YOU KNOW YOU STAB CS~ IF YOU HAPPY AND YOU KNOW YOU KICK CS~ AND IF YOU HAPPY AND YOU KNOW, AND YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW, SLAP CS~

IF U HAPPY THEN U NOE IT SLAP CS~ -SLAPSLAP- IT U HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT SHOOT CS~ IF U HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT AND YOU REALLY WANA SHOW IT AND IF YOU HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT WHACK CS =D=D
________________________________
ROFL LUH.
ALL CAPS SIA. ROFL.

9:44 PM
NICOLE♥

.

Chinese Compo was alright.
Listening a little hard, got this bad feeling won't do well. >screwed
Melissa went for band. ( cuz Mrquek said he would sack her if she skipped again>uh, whatever)
Then I went to Joey's house.
Study blaaa.
Then friggin' bro ask me faster come home( he screamed at me>blasted)
Rofl, pjh suckkkkkkkkk.

I love my blogskin & I don't really care what you'll think.
Muahahah.
Simplicity <3333
___________________
Picture of the day :DD


Accidentally wrote my name while helping kirk fill in the group thingy.

AHAHAHA. ROFL.

5:27 PM
NICOLE♥

Monday, April 23, 2007.

New formula
Ice(water) + Milo + Ribena + Apple + Rubber band + Leaf + Rice + Soya sauce + Mushroom soup + Longan(brown de) = " Greatest " drink ever.
= yes, me, mel & joey drank it.
= and scott almost vomit when we told him what is inside.
= & It was enjoyable [:

School was like ___________.
LOL, okay la :DD
English composition, quite okay.
Just that situational writing alot of peeps panic, cause of the word retaliation or something.
Ahaha.
Got back english marks.
PASSED BY HALF FREAKING MARK!!
FLUNKED.
HOW COOL IS THAT!!
I don't wanna retain!!!
I'm going to quit computer!
I must !! :O

Blah. Ohya, I tell you. PJH is the super trouble-maker of our group la.
Only the girls did the bloody the work, THEN PIANG!!!
HE DON'T KNOW HOW TO PRONOUNCE THE WORD MAROON.
THEN HE SAID IT WAS MORON. THEN SAY DESIGN UGLY.
FREAKTARD. BLASTED LA. ( See! I'm refraining.)
THEN NVM LEH, HE DON'T HAVE PHOTO!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
THEN ASK HIM SIGN HE DOWAN.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
THEN LATER, HE THINK HE VERY BIG!
Everyone was like helping including Scott&Kirk.
THEN THE BLASTED PJH SING SONG _l_
THEN THE BLASTED PE TEACHER ALSO SAY THAT OUR GROUP NAME MORON.
WHAT THE HELL(Refraining again)
I'm like so happy I have the patience not to stand up and tear off his name ( actually I did. LOL.)
Yes, I'm smiling while typing. Ahahaha.

Then, blah. Listening Compre almost slept -_-

OH AND FYI!!
I DIDN'T CRY TODAY BECAUSE OF MRSLEE.
ROFL.

After school while Melissa was calling parents whether I can go her house.
Then the 6H 'GANG'( ROFL! WHAT A WORD!) was like standing behind us, ask us faster.
Then we slowly walk, slowly press number.
AHAHAHA.
Then while walking out from the stinky crowd.
We pushed our way out la.
Ahahahha. Super funny.

Took bus 28 and walked to Melissa house.
Like around 1.6km can! :O
Now I know why Melissa so musclar.
ROFL, MUSCLAR(!!)
Went to her house, ate, dress her like dolly(ROFL LAH, SHE SUPER CUTE), then went to TM.
-.-!
Took neoprints while coming back.
Maybe posting maybe not, depends on how 'nice' my scanner is.

Came home around 5, then, have to go tuition at 5 40.
And the further drag down my happiness, my brother is singing.
ROFL.

7:57 PM
NICOLE♥

Sunday, April 22, 2007.

To make this a UNBORING POST(LOL!)
I'm going to nothing post about how funnn my tuition was.
LOL, ok, Reached eastpoint at 1:41, slack around at popular(what a place -_-)
Then went to tuition, check whether still have the damn bee there. ROFL.
Then blaaaaa, nvr go compo. TuitionTuition, called Melissa & remind her to do the golden rules thingy :D
Wanted to see if any shops got the friendship string or whatever.
Don't have! blaaaaaaaa.
Then went home & eatt =DDD


____________________________
Not love story don't need to cry. LOL.

My cellphone's beeping sound woke me up one night. Used to receiving important messages only, I grabbed my cell and sleepily pushed the keys and read the message.

"Hi there! Care 2 b my txtmate?"

Not knowing who the sender was, I deleted the message right away and placed the phone on my bedside table, I tried to go back to sleep.
I had just closed my eyes when I heard the message tone again.

"Hi there, again! Care 2 b my txtmate?" again, the message said.

"Who the hell could this be asking for txtmate at the wee hours of the night?" I asked myself.
Again, without bothering to reply I deleted the message.
I was never a 'textmaniac' - someone who enjoys texting anyone and everyone even at the wee hours of night, not to mention during the day. My parents, who were always out of the country forced me to own a cellphone.

They told me that having one was more convenient - they could monitor me even if they're miles away.
I wanted to turn the unit off, but since my mother was fond of calling me at night, just to check if I was safe at home, I decided not to.
Just as I was to close my eyes and return to my dreamless sleep, the phone beeped again.
Same number...Such determination!

"Ply reply 2 dis msg & b an angel & save me frm dis abyss of emptiness!!!"

I never knew why, but the message struck me. I got up and pushed the keys... I just realized I was replying to the message.

"Im not an angel, n f u want som1 2 save u, m not superman... I'm just a simple prson who u wake up at dis r of my nyt!!! Nway, do I know u?" I typed.

Seconds later came the reply.

"Nope. U don't know dis lonely soul. Nor does she know u. But I want 2 b ur frnd. I'm Mikaella Cervantes. U?"

"Just call me Julius. How'd u get my no.?" I sent back.

"Hi Julius, nice 2 meet u. Just shuffled the last two digits of mine," she replied.

That was the first and maybe the last time I met someone over the cellphone.
We exchanged messages and learned so much about each other that night. We only said goodbye when my alarm clock rang at 5:00 AM! I had to prepare for school!

And that was also how it all started. A day would not pass without it loving and thoughtful messages from her. It was only then I had learned to appreciate text messages and become eager and excited everytime my phone beeped, hoping it would be her.
Mikaella brought out something about me that I never knew I had; I realized I could also be a romantic person... even if it's just through text messaging.

"Keep me as a frnd & I will keep u in my heart. Lock it up & throw away d key so dat no1 can evr tke u away from me..."One day, she sent this message to me.
I replied: 'In life, we seldom find a true prson & f u evr find 1, hold on & nvr let go... value dat prson coz it's lyf's gift worth keeping & holdin on..."

I never knew why, but her response sent shivers to my spine, " Value d people hu hav touched ur life bcoz u will never know just wen dey will walk out of ur lyf & nvr come back again."
I couldn't understand what I felt that moment, but one thing I was sure though... I could not go on a day without a single word from her. I'd become used to having her, eventhough we had not met personally. But truly, she already occupied a space, a large one, in fact in my life.
I texted her back. "Dont come close f l8r ull jst pass by; don't touch me f l8r ull jst let me cry; dont luv me f l8r ull jst leave me and won't stay..."

I didn't know why I sent her that message, but somehow I felt, every word came from my heart. In the short span of time we were sending messages to each other, I knew, I was starting to keep her in my heart.I called her once. The voice on the other end was like an angel's. Soft, kind, full of love. Yet, there was something in it I couldn't define. We only talked for a few minutes. Before she hung up, she told me not to call again. According to her, it would be better if we would just text each other.

But the voice kept ringing, not only in my head, but in my heart, I'd long to hear it once more. I tried to call her again, but she never answered the phone. She just kept on sending messages and quotations, which I copied in a little notebook. Hopeless romantic? I didn't know. All I could say was that all the messages she sent me were wonderful, they came from the heart and cut through the heart.

"Though we r miles apart, u r always n my heart. I close my eyes & der u r. Even f I'll see u never, I'll always b hir 2 care 4 u, far longer dan 4ever..."

One December night, she sent me this message. By that time we had been exchanging messages for more than a month. God knew how happy I was. She was right. Although we had not seen each other, what we felt was enough to make us both realize what was keeping us together.
I sent her another message, "Loving u secretly is a hard thing 4 me 2 do,hoping, wondring that u will feel d same way 2, but I can't read r mind f u luv me 2. But whatever it is, I'll still be loving u."

"How I wish I cud really tell u how much u mean 2 me, but m afraid 2 love, scared 2 get hurt... I hope dat u will wait 4 me & pray dat u will not get tired of loving me...=)" was her reply.
And then I replied again. " The reason y I met u is bcoz of destiny but f destiny will suggest dat I'll live w/o u, den, I'll lie not by destiny but of free will."
Whenever I asked her when we would meet personally, she always answered, "Soon...soon, love...soon."

Not seeing each other did not lessen, even a bit, what I felt for her...rather, it even grew deeper and stronger each day. And I was sure, she felt the same way, too. Love messages continued to flow through our lines, between our hearts, which made us go on each day with the thought that sooner, we would see each other, face to face, heart to heart.
Just a few days before Christmas. She stopped sending messages. At first I just though she had ran out of prepaid.

But there was something that kept bothering me... I couldn't understand what was it, but it made me fell nervous. I tried to call her but she wouldn't answer. Nevertheless, I continued sending messages.

Suddenly one night, just three days before our Lord's birthday. I heard my phone's message tone again... at last!It was from her!
"Oftentyms we say gudbye 2 d 1 we luv w/o wanting 2. Though dat doesn't mean dat we stopped loving dem or we stopped 2 care. Sometyms, GOODBYE is a painful way 2 say I LOVE YOU."

I was dumfounded. I didn't know what to think of. What did she mean? I texted her back, searching for answers, but found nothing. I called her but she would not answer.
For the first time in my life, I felt so miserable...desperate... empty. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose her. I had learned to love her. And I wanted to be with her forever.
The following days I felt nothing but emptiness. It seemed that Mikaella took the life out of me. I missed her so much...her messages...The tones that would tell me she'd sent another loving message. Nothing around me could feel the emptiness I felt.

Tut...tut...tut...tut...tut...just a day before Christmas, my cell beeped again. It was her!
"Meet me at d café, 10 AM 2day," I read aloud, making sure the message was true, then I jumped with joy upon hearing from her again. Hurriedly, I got myself ready and I went to the mall. I knew it was still early, but I wanted to be there before she arrived.
I arrived at the meeting place ten minutes earlier. I was surprised to see her already there, smiling at me. She was very beautiful, Black, deep-set eyes that spoke a thousand words; small, kissable lips; a nose perfectly chiseled and long black hair - everything in her was beautiful. And yes, her eyes radiated kindness and love...but there was a flicker of something in them...sadness?

"Hi, Julius," said the angelic voice I had been dreaming of each night. The voice that I had waited to hear for so long. "Please sit down." "I am very pleased to meet you, Mikaella," I said, as I took my seat and gave the roses I brought for her.
"Thanks, Julius," she smiled, obviously pleased with the roses. I knew she loved pink roses.
"You are always welcome, Love" "Julius, I can't stay," she said, sadness in her voice, or was it tears? "I really must go."

"But we just met, Mikaella. Can't we talk a little longer?" I asked, pleadingly.

"I can't really. I just came here to see you and thank you for the time you shared with me. Thank you for everything, Julius. I will never forget you...you will always be here in my heart."
She was looking at me straight into the eyes, and I could really feel the sadness in her voice and I swear, there was something in her voice and I swear, there was something in those lovely yet lonely eyes...

She got up and smiled at me, lovingly.
"Tomorrow morning, please come and visit me," he said and gave me a piece of white linen paper.

I read what was written and when I looked up, she was gone. The following day, Christmas, I woke up early and excitedly readied myself,thinking of her. I hurriedly went to flower shop and bought a dozen pink roses - for Mikaella.

They lived in an exclusive subdivision.

Upon reaching their house, I told the guard who I was and that I was looking for Mikaella.
The guard stared at me, sadness and amazement in his eyes and told me to wait as he called the owner of the house. As I looked at him while he was going inside the house, only then I noticed that the house was brightly lit.

A woman went out and walked towards me, smiling sadly.

"Hi, I'm Maria, Mikaella's mother. Please come inside, Julius." While we were walking towards the mansion, she explained to me why she knew me very well - Mikaella had always been talking about her friend, Julius. I hardly understood what she was saying. I was busy thinking why Mikaella's mother was crying while talking to me.

As we came near the great hall of the house, it dawned on me that there was a wake inside, Maybe, a relative passed away, I thought. But deep in my heart, I was trembling and afraid.
As we entered the hall where so many people were silently mourning while others were praying, shaking, I asked her mother. "Where is Mikaella?"

She held my hand and silently, led me to the coffin which was surrounded by flowers - pink roses, nothing but pinkroses.
No words could explain how I felt when I gazed at the coffin and saw who was lying there. The same beautiful girl I met...

A man came beside me, I knew he was Mika's father.
"We are so glad you came, Julius. Mika talked of you all the time. She even asked that her phone be buried with her.

She said that in that way, you could still send her messages and you would always be with her."
I couldn't believe everything... My mind was in limbo.
"But how can this be? We just saw each other yesterday."

"That can't possibly be. She passed away three days ago. She had been suffering from a heart disease since she was a child," said her father.
"But..." I couldn't find the words to say.

"She told us not to bother reaching you, "her mother said, still in tears," she said you will come, and here you are.
Pain and bitterness overwhelmed me. I cried silently beside her, staring at her lovely face, memorizing every line of my friend's face, a face I knew I would never forget while I was still alive.

After the internment that afternoon, I went to the chapel she hadtold me she went everyday.
Sitting there praying and crying to God, I held my phone and typed: "U taught me how 2 care; u taught me how 2 b kind; u shwd me how 2 lyk som; u shwd me how 2 luv; but ders 1 thing didnt teach me & it hurts mor - u didnt teach me how 2 let go. I LOVE YOU"

I sent the message, and though I knew she wouldn't be able to hold her CP again, I knew in my heart she would get my message. I never expected a reply, yet as my phone beeped again,felt a shiver down my spine. The sender's number did not appear on the screen, and tears rolled down my cheeks as I read the message.

"Let go of d hand of d person u love, but dont let go of God's hand. 4 if u hold 2 his hand. He may b holding d person u love n d ader hand 2 let u hold each other again."

"I will never forget you, Mikaella and will never let go..." I vowed to her and to myself as I left the church.

4:09 PM
NICOLE♥

.

fall in love or fall in hate.
get inspired or be depressed.
make babies or make art.
speak the truth or lie and cheat.
dance on tables or sit in the corner.
life is divine chaos.
embrace it.
forgive yourself.
breathe.and enjoy the ride.


one day you'll wake up and realize you really do love her
and she`ll be waking up next to the one who already knew.


im scared to death.
im nervous,
i'm shy
i don't know what to do
im madly in love with you.



he isnt my boyfriend,
but i love his hugs,
his smile,
his advice,
his love,
his kindness & the times we laugh together.
i guess i fell in love with our friendship.


And it only hurts,
when you cry I'm only sad,
when there's tears in your eyes
I can't lie and say I'm fine
But it only hurts,
when you cry


It's too late baby,there's no turning around
I've got my hand in my pocket and
my head in a cloud this is how i do when i think about you
i never thought that you
could break my apart
I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart.



if you're over me,
i'm already over you if it's all been done,
what is left to do how can you hang up if the line is dead if you're moving on,
i'm already gone



there's something about you that makes my heart beat faster
maybe its the way you look at me
maybe its the way your smile makes me smile.



so far, so good so
what happens to us now?
something about the way you looked at me
tonight makes me wonder what's going on,
will it be this was tomorrow?


Love is a dangerous pastime
Caught between madness and gladness of flight
Nothing is wrong and nothing is right
Falling asleep in your arms every night


Just one touch is all it takes &
I'm floating high above the clouds.
One look & my mind wanders off to how it could be in the future.
One smile & I'm smiling for the rest of the day.
He can do things to me that no one ever has before & I like it..
I like liking him.


All around this room tonight now
there's nothing we can do to make each other feel alright.
Instead of trying to tell me how to be,
just focus on tomorrow instead of on me.


She fell asleep on her pillow,
crying softly.
She needed him, she needed him terribly.


when no one realizes the pain you feel,
when no one understands,who do you run to?
where do you go?


what's my purpose anymore?
i hate this life.
everything is so wrong and fucked up.
I have nothing left.


Everyday i'm not as strong,
and everyday i cry a little more,
i just want to know if this life is worth it in the end.


not a day has gone by where i haven't thought about you.

10:39 AM
NICOLE♥

Saturday, April 21, 2007.

Currently feeling.. Emotionless.

Any minute all the pain will stop. Just hold me close inside your arms tonight,don't be too hard on my emotions.


Cause i need time. My heart is numb; has no feeling, so while i'm still healing, just try and have a little patience.


This is the story of my life, these are the lies i have created. I'm in the middle of nothing and it's where i want to be, i'm at the bottom of everything and i finally start to leave...


You go to her because she's easy
& she lets you do it cause it makes her feel wanted
but deep down you know that she means nothing to you.
you have a key
oh & while your sleeping with her just pretend its me
because what is true
is that I won't ever make love to you.
& it's funny how she thinks its "real"
like its a relationship
& its sad how you don't even care how she feels.


No matter how many times they say your too good for him
or how much of a jerk he is.
You can't stop loving him.
He just does something to your heartbeat



and she sits alone crying onher bed wishing&wonderingwhat on earth she did todeserve all this pain


i wish i could run away.leave all this pain behind.but that's just like me...to give up when things get hard.


I woke up with tears in my eyes;the kind that you cry but you don't know why


I smile for sometime, a smile which holds every single thing I wish you didn't do, because later it fades away. With one drop of my silent tear, leaving nothing but your sweet memories which I also wish didn't exist because it makes me cry.


theres one love in a live time,of two hearts of a kind;;these three reasons you'll be mine,four and five and six are through,seven days without you.

9:57 PM
NICOLE♥